You’ll never appreciate an ending until you don’t get one. I used to be one of those girls who got upset if the guy I liked, told me he didn’t like me. “It’s not that I don’t like you, I just don’t want to complicate things” and “Well, I don’t want a relationship if that’s what you mean” are two of those instances that instantly come to mind. But now I’d almost leap with joy at the fact that I’d received a little bit of honesty, and could move on with my life. Because anything’s better than being ghosted.
First comes the “making up excuses” stage, where you’re still defending him a little. You reassure yourself that maybe he’s just busy with college work, or maybe his phone is broken. But that doesn’t last very long, and soon you start to blame yourself. When you’re given no reason, your imagination is free to make one up itself. Is it because I’m fat? Did I come off as too keen? Does he like somebody else?
Although you don’t hear from them again, the door is never fully closed, and that’s the annoying part. The disregard is insulting. The lack of closure is maddening. You move on, but not before your self-esteem takes an almighty hit. You spend ages moping around the house, constantly checking your phone in the hope that maybe they’ll make contact again. But no, unfortunately nothing, nada, zilch.
So why do guys do this? Well, after a horrible ghosting experience a couple of months ago, I decided to ask one of the guys. And his answer, the response we’ve all been waiting to hear? It’s because they’re scared, simple as. When a guy has seen a girl more than a handful of times, they know that there’s the possibility of it getting serious and progressing into something more. And that of course, can bring complications. Cue the fear of being tied down and losing their independence, and we have a ghost on our hands. Sometimes you get so worried about not getting your own heart broken, that you don’t really care whose you break along the way.
Also, ending things can be kind of awkward. I mean, what do you even say? It’s hard to just be honest, we’re a generation that find it hard to express our feelings after all. Sometimes it’s easier to just ignore and hope they get the hint, even if it is kind of mean.
So what should you do if you’re being ghosted? Well, when somebody sees your messages and isn’t responding you should probably take the hint. But if you’re feeling ballsy, just ask them about it. It always helps to be honest (that’s the motto of this blog post, kids) and you never know, it might just fix things when you know where the other person stands. Has done for me once or twice.
But if things don’t work out the way you want them to, there’s no point in getting hung up about it. Look at it this way, you’re just making room for the right person. Things can’t work out with everyone, after all. If you want to know something, just be upfront about it. It’s always better to know the truth.