So you’ve finally found somebody who tickles your fancy and may actually like you back. This can be very exciting but you want to keep yourself grounded and not make too big of a deal out of the whole thing. God forbid you rush into anything and end up scaring them away with your love. Here’s what to do with your new bae to ensure that you keep things casual.
1. Stalk them on social media.
This is a given really; as if you haven’t done this for hours already right? But seriously, you need to stalk the shit out of them and find out every little bit of information you can. Nothing says casual more than knowing who their best friend was in 2009. Go back as far as you can and make sure that they were a good looking child because you don’t want all the babies you’re going to have with them to turn out ugly! I would also advise not restricting yourself to one platform; Facebook is a goldmine but you can learn a lot about someone from their likes on Twitter.
2. Tell your friends all about them.
Your friends definitely care all about your love life and will hype up any interaction you have with another human so, to remind yourself that this infatuation isn’t a big deal, you have to gush to your closest mates and receive feedback. Show them pictures of your boy to see if they roast you. Send screenshots of your conversations to make sure you’re not coming across too strong. And if your pals tell you to stop banging on about the person, know that you’ve got the green light for further hyping.
3. Reschedule your life to suit theirs.
This can be a challenging manoeuvre if you don’t have the right information with you. Through step one, you should have found out where they live and what they like to do in their spare time and if you haven’t then I’m afraid you are an amateur. Does the girl you fancy live beside a Chinese restaurant? Then that becomes your favourite takeaway. Does she go to Coppers every Tuesday with her pals? You now go to Coppers every Tuesday with your pals. The only sure-fire way to keep things casual is to orchestrate loads of situations where the two of ye might bump into each other “accidentally”.
4. Be mean to them.
The phrase “treat them mean to keep them keen” was kind of dismissed once we all left primary school, but it does hold some merit. Obviously you don’t want the love of your life knowing that you like them, so keep an air of mystery around you by being rude and stand-offish. Ignore them if they ask you questions, make fun of them loudly to your friends, and insult their sense of fashion to their face (even though you obviously love their clothes and wish they were on your bedroom floor). Hot tip: If you see them in the college canteen, playfully knock over their tray of food and laugh, it will confuse their feelings for you and keep you on their radar.
5. Tailor yourself to their needs.
Everyone has a type supposedly; mine, for example, is dark haired, mentally unstable man-babies and any woman ever. You want to fit your crush’s type, so you may have to change aspects of your looks and personality to become their idea of perfect. If they like funny girls, invest in some DVDs of Peter Kay’s stand-up shows and memorise every joke for future use. If their celeb crush has short hair, shave your head to bring yourself to the next level. Chances are they won’t even notice these subtle changes but their feelings for you will definitely grow.
6. Remember that you’ll die alone.
Unfortunately, no matter what happens between you and this new flame of yours, you are guaranteed to shuffle off this mortal coil all by yourself. Ah well! This may seem depressing but it is important to keep in mind if you are trying to remain casual with someone. They may like you but probably not for much longer. Don’t get too invested anyway and definitely don’t ring them in floods of tears after reading this article. Good luck!