College Times puts out a lot of crazy stuff, some of it immensely amusing, some of it downright scary.
They were happy to allow the crazy advice to speak for itself, but the thoughts of even one reader thinking that housework and fidelity can be in any way correlated is seriously depressing.
There are merely seven steps between you and a happy (monogamous) ending according to Wikihow:
1. Find out what he likes: Talking about yourself is apparently a no-no. Instead you have to show you are interested chiefly in his life, while cooking him his favourite meal. In reality if what he likes is cheating no amount of questions about his job will fix it.
2. Make him feel like a man: Encourage his own view of himself, there is no mention of whether or not it matters if its an accurate perception - what’s important here is relentless ego stroking ‘cos them menz are fragile creatures. Not feeling like enough of a man will drive him into the arms of someone else it seems and what’s more it’s your fault. Please...
3. Keep public displays of affection to a minimum: This might benefit those of us who feel nauseous in the face of excessive PDA but it is unlikely that his cheating is linked to you holding his hand. That would be very, very weird.
4. Be confident and look great always: You best be waking up at 6am to apply your make-up because if he sees you au natural first thing in the morning he will be cheating on you by mid-afternoon. Obviously. Anyone who believes that a girl must look amazing at all times to deserve a faithful partner needs to sit on the bold step and have a serious talk with themselves. Now.
5. Give him massages: Because if you won't do it some other girl will, it’s a widely accepted fact. Massage his back, while simultaneously massaging his ego, making him a ham sandwich and applying false eyelashes and you’ll have secured a marriage proposal in no time. Lucky girl.
6. Do all the cleaning: Men are simply not as good at it, they don’t understand why you wouldn’t automatically assume responsibility for the majority of household chores. The more dishes they have to wash the greater their desire to stray becomes. If they have to iron don’t be surprised to come home to find them in the middle of group sex with a host of girls dressed in French maid outfits.
7. Find out who he is: As a general rule of thumb it might be a good idea to find out ‘who he is’ before investing in a relationship. And if ‘who he is’ turns out to be a serial cheater remember that everyone deserves the best in their relationships because life really is too short.
The original Wiki article rules out having sex too soon. This will cause your love interest to lose interest faster than you’ll believe apparently. Give. Us. A. Break. Have sex when you want whether its half way through a first date or on your five year anniversary. It’s a choice not a bargaining chip.
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