For most people of an office disposition today is the first day back in work. For those of a college lifestyle it is exam season, essay time or a lying down watching Netflix extravaganza. Either way it is important to remain informed about the not so important stories of the week, so here they are…
Stand up if you love the darts:
Gary Anderson won his first world darts champion beating Phil Taylor. These athletes went the distance in a thrilling contest, only stopping to eat chips 12 times during the match. This was a truly fascinating encounter where incredible athleticism and fitness was shown throughout.
A corrupt chancer:
Much anticipated Love/Hate reunion Charlie aired to much applause last night. Aidan Gillen, who plays our former Taoiseach/ mob boss, received a lot of praise for his performance. With so many actors from Love Hate, you can’t help but make comparisons between the two shows. Sadly, it’s almost impossible to decide which group is more unlikeable or corrupt. Also, seeing Nidge with hair is an altogether unsettling experience.
Do something Irish:
Irish beef can now be sold again in the United States for the first time since the late 90s. This is not only great news for the Irish beef industry, but also for all those Americans who are all like totally Irish due to a vague ancestry somewhere in the distant past. I’m sure Bord Bia are hoping that the tried and tested plan of sticking an Irish flag on anything will make it sell will continue to work as a business model. I hope they all find that our beef is like totally awesome and stuff.
Crime delivery system:
A man in Cheshire has been arrested on suspicion of drink drinking. What prompted the suspicion? He drove his car into the wall of the police station, obviously. A small tip for anyone stupid enough to drive a car under the influence, perhaps to avoid being caught, don’t treat a police station as some sort of drive through. I’m pretty sure that the cops won’t have a Big Mac, but they will almost certainly have doughnuts (bad joke).
This week in science:
Scientists have claimed the white wine may not exist. Despite what you thought you quaffed by the bottle over the Christmas period, you may have been drinking something, which is apparently fictional. Experts have said that white wine contains the same pigments, as it’s red cousin. It was previously believed that white wine did not have these pigments, hence the colour. What difference this makes when you are necking a 4 euro bottle of Lidl wine wasn’t made clear. Honestly, do scientists have nothing else to do?
As I am sure you are acutely aware, it is only Monday and a long week lies ahead. Think happy thoughts dear people, like the time you ate a whole box of Roses to yourself, assuming that you didn’t do that this morning just to get out of bed.
Photo: Irish Independent