University College Cork is to start offering a Bachelor’s degree in Elocution beginning 2017. The BAI in Elocution is stated be, “Like pure class like. Daycent altogether boy’’.

Professor Jay, who says second names are none of your business and refused to confirm how or where he received his doctorate, believes the course is long overdue, stating;

You’d be listening to them gowls from Dublin thinking they’re great. But they’re not from Cork, come on the rebel county!


Professor Jay went on to say he believed that an inferiority complex had nothing to do with the foundation of the degree and that “You’d want to watch yourself’’.


The course will be aimed at locals and foreigners alike, even catering, Jay said, to ‘’lunatics from bogs or Kerry or wherever”.


At the heart of the matter multiculturalism is key. “Oh yeah, it’s all about multiculturalism”, Jay stated. “Sure how else can Spanish lads or Wicklow lads talk normal?


Looking towards the future the BAI, or boy, as it is affectionately known, is only a stepping stone. Professor Jay envisages Corkonian Elocution Masters and PhDs will follow suit, and sees UCC sending scholars to other universities to further spread the Corkonian lexicon.


Controversially Professor Jay feels UCC should tear down any reference to esteemed mathematician George Boole, as he was not born in Cork.

Like there’s a lash of places named after him, and his gimpy head is there outside the library. But he was born in England. So can we trust him?


An internal investigation is ongoing into allegations against Professor Jay, claiming he has embezzled funds earmarked for the course into a self-funded project, ‘’International Roy Keane and Sonia O’Sullivan Appreciation Day”.


DCU has had its application for a Southside Dublin Elocution BA turned down as it deals with a legal case of cultural appropriation from the Valley Girls of America Association.