What makes this bowl more super than your average cereal holder? A reasonable question, everyone who’s anyone will be hitting a Super Bowl party tonight so here are the main things you should pretend to know tonight in order to get by.

So here you go, a crash course (kind of):

Nobody else has a clue either

Maybe 2 people out of every Super Bowl party tonight will actually have a clue what they are talking about, though there will be at least 15 who will wander around speaking very loudly about a list of facts they learnt off this afternoon.    The rest of us have been franticly Googling for the past week and are still quite hazy on some of the rules.  There is a simple reason for this: it makes no sense at all.  Easy way of avoiding embarrassment: stay quiet.  Chances are the referee knows the rules and even if he gets it wrong, he still knows more about the rules than you do.  Fowl play?  Offside?  Handball? God forbid if someone asks you the rules, spill your beer or burst out crying, it can’t be worse than the embarrassment of admitted you are just as clueless as they are. 

Tom Brady cheats but who cares?

There has been non-stop chatter about “deflate gate”, a crime so huge it prompted Tom Brady to say its not as bad as ISIS in a press conference.  While he is certainly correct, there are also many other things not as bad as ISIS including, ice-cream, swimming, moonwalking and the last Harry Potter film but I’m not sure how that’s relevant Tom.  But who cares right?  Sure he probably cheated but he has many things on his side, good looks, successful football career and a beautiful wife, he could have run over the footballs with his pick up truck and people would still cheer his name. 

The Seahawks are from Seattle

Everyone seems to have adopted this team as their own of late but a quick reminder to all apparent fans, you probably aren’t from there.  Last year’s Super Bowl winners appear to be the Chelsea of American Football, nobody had really heard of them till they got good.  Things they are known for include being good at defence, having a loudmouth cornerback by the name of Richard Sherman and being from the city that gave the world Starbucks (another bandwagon south side posh lads hopped on the back of). 

It’s on quite late

Odds are you are fairly new to this American Football carry on so word to the wise, it’s on quite late so you may want to get some coffee/ red bull or Jäger-bombs into you sharpish (not that we can possibly encourage drinking on a school night).  Kick off is at 11.30pm Irish time so rest your weary heads for a quick power nap until then.  Imagine the shame of being the one who falls asleep during the biggest sporting event of the year…. (After you know, the Rugby World Cup, All Ireland Finals, Champions League Final, Under 14s Judo Competition etc.).

It’s not about the game

Let’s be honest here, most people are more excited about Katy Perry’s half time show which includes a surprise (spoiler alert) performance by Missy Elliot (who, oh your one from the 90s? Oh yh, her).  Lights camera action time for Ms Perry who will hope to one up Bruno Mars and The Red Hot Chilli Peppers’ performance last year.  Shouldn’t be too hard, at least we know she’ll be miming, the Chillis didn’t even bother trying. 

Here’s to another attempt at understanding the rules this year, good hustle, Legion of Boom, Bill Belichick sucks etc.