Satire Editor Orla Keaveney reports.
News has just emerged of a reported psychology prodigy in UCD, who has mastered the complex science after just three weeks of an introductory module.
Treasa Harrington, just 19 years old, has wasted no time in sharing her gift, identifying range of disorders in her friends. She was shocked to find a multitude of disorder and personality types among her small friend group. The news has been making the rounds among the university, so we spoke to the young genius to see her talents first-hand.
“I actually study French and History for my degree”, Harrington told us exclusively, “but I could take an extra module outside my field this semester, and I’d heard ‘Foundations of Psychology’ was a right doss. However, just three weeks in, I can say with confidence that I am now an expert on the inner workings of the human mind.”
It is almost unheard of, mastering such a subject after such a short time. While many people are quick to dismiss Treasa's new found talent, she is adamant that has learned the required skills to become the go-to psychologist on campus.
When asked to demonstrate her newfound skills, Harrington simply whipped out her phone. “See Aisling here? She just sent me a crying emoji AND a laughing emoji in the SAME message. Textbook bipolar if I ever saw one. And look at Sam, who’s profile pic is of him with his mam before his debs – it just screams ‘Oedipus complex’.”
Amazed by her rapid-fire diagnoses, we asked Harrington if she had any evidence to back up these claims. But she just threw us a pitying glance, sagely noting that doubts and paranoia were common symptoms of schizophrenia.
We have also heard that she is now charging 20 euro for a session, complete with your "diagnosis" printed and framed.
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