RTÉ have announced a new series for their spring line-up.

“Straight Eye On A Queer Guy” will involve heterosexual members of the state broadcaster tailing suspected “queers”. A source high up in the organisation has said the show was a response to illustrate that RTÉ was in fact “fully aware” of the changing times we live in and wants to engage with “the gaybos”.

“The show was devised to both monitor the more insidious and conniving aspects of the gay ideological movement while showcasing how funny gay people can be when used for entertainment purposes. In this way we kill two poofs with one handbag.”

The show, marketed under the acronym I.ON.A, is based on the successful “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” series. However, the format has been inverted for the Irish version, with straight men tracking gays. “Throughout the series we’ll be setting the contestants challenges like trying to hold on to their partners’ property after they’ve died. It’s going to be tough.”

RTÉ has said that I.ON.A has been designed to show the licence-paying, God-fearing Irish public what the gays do be doing. “I.ON.A will be like having a real-life queer in your living room, while still safe in the knowledge that it’s just television and without having to worry about getting glitter out of the carpet.”

I.ON.A’s first batch of contestants come from all walks of life and include a parish priest, a monsignor, a sacristan and an archbishop. “We’re expecting a fabulous season, as they’d say themselves.”