NUI Galway’s president has provoked mixed reactions from students as he has officially declared the green parka the official campus uniform for the Autumn/Winter 16/17 season. The President is confident that the decision will ensure the warmth of students in the colder months and reduce the university’s heating costs.
“The green parka has been a welcome presence on our campus for many years”, the President said. “Recently, the denim jacket and the black bomber have been providing little insulation for students. This has put pressure on the university’s resources, meaning we actually have to switch on the university’s radiators which were fitted just for show. By enforcing the green parka on all students, the university can innovatively cut spending at the students’ own expense”.
Enforcement of the new dress-code will be carried out by the university’s new faction of Parka Police who will assess levels of khaki-ness upon entry to lecture halls using a Dulux colour chart. Refusal to abide by the new rule will result in a week of canteen clean-up.
The new dress-code comes as a blow to Galway businesses, as hour-long queues of students returning recently-purchased leathers and denims have disrupted businesses.
“I’m just after buying a black bomber”, said Marine Science student Ciara O’Connor. “I’m actually raging”.
Multi-coloured bomber-lover and medicine student, Malcolm Hanley, spoke exclusively to Campus.ie regarding the injury threats this rule might provoke; “The traditional green parka is khaki in colour. Khaki equals camouflage and camouflage equals invisible. If the entire student body is invisible they will naturally collide and cause severe injury”.
“There’s a reason we wear black bombers. Visibility”, he adds.
The President’s announcement also sent shock waves through the local Eyre Square Penneys, resulting in a series of urgent phone call to their Indian sweatshops to up the ante on parka-making.
This decision comes as another blow to students who have recently suffered the closure of the campus cloakroom, along with the shock disappearance of the campus’ Subway and Starbucks this year.
Campus.ie has learned that the decision to close the campus cloakroom was not a result of budget cuts but actually an advanced measure taken to prevent confusion between coats which would surely follow.