The shower strikes, the masso night out and the drunk texts. It's all ahead for anyone who's unfortunate enough to endure the dark torment of being dumped, writes Ciara Phelan.

Freshly broken up over God only knows what? To be honest you don’t really know yourself but you are totes emosh and devo. How will life go on without him? “I will never ever find someone like him again, he just gets me!”

Your Mother’s advice only hinders your already broken world: “For God’s sake you’re only 19, there’s plenty more fish in the sea.” “What’s meant for you won’t pass you, so clearly he’s not the one for you lovie.”

Box of tissues at hand, the grubby pyjamas come out and you live religiously in them all day and night. You refuse to shower and you comfort yourself with a tub of Ben and Jerry’s while watching repeats of Friends.

The next morning you wake up and the “I hate him stage” kicks in. You get up convincing yourself you’re going to forget him and that he’s “lost the best thing he ever had.” You’re outraged and send him a blunt message: “You can have all your stuff and the stuff you bought me back,” he simply replies: “Don’t want it.” The cheek! You begin ripping up anything that reminds you of him; love letters, anniversary and valentines cards, anything that would make you think of him.

Still no text message from him, not even one to see how you’re doing. Extremely rude altogether. So you decide to round up your friends and you plan to head out for the night. New outfit and fab hair, you get dolled up to the nines. Your best friends saying: “Show him what he’s missing.” Not immature at all. You make it evident on social media that you’re heading out and where to. Checking in on Facebook and putting few snaps on your Snapchat story. Telling the truth you really want to see him out, you have made the effort just for him and not really for yourself at all.

You catch his attention and all you get is a petty little girly wave. Did he just? Typical, he couldn’t be bothered, hasn’t even noticed you changed the colour of your hair. You’re flabbergasted that he’s not on his knees drooling or begging for forgiveness, what the? Quickly, I need a shot! One shot too many and you’re in floods of tears in the loo with your friends. “Head up doll, he’s not worth it.” You have enough and head home sobbing silently beside the patient taxi man.

The next morning you’re eyes are so swollen they resemble golf balls. You gather yourself together, although feeling sluggish and stupid you accept the fact that you do miss him but you are getting over it. You write a pros and cons list and begin to think about all of the positives of not having a boyfriend. The amount of money you’ll save, no more lavish presents, no more expensive sexy underwear and the biggest bonus – no shaving your legs, YES! You’ll have you’re Saturday night to yourself, no balancing friends or family, you are finally looking forward to some TLC.

But then, he texts you.

He wants you back, just as you were coming to terms with it he throws another spanner in the works. The power you once wished you had at the start of the break up has arrived and you are completely clueless.

What even?