A HSE spokesperson has announced that the ‘Alcoholism Disease’ has arrived in Ireland and will soon reach dangerous levels.
The disease originated in the West African state of Roscommon and was believed to have been brought here by a visitor only two weeks ago.
It is spread by sharing of bodily fluids or any close contact with an infected host while sitting around a bar talking shite or using horse to get home while locked. The victim is then consumed by an urge to drink and annoy the local populace.
The unnamed Corkman, presumably with O Shea as his surname, is now in Cork University Hospital under quarantine while the disease ravages his body.
It is so toxic in nature that it has been known to make the host consume awful liquids such as Dutch Gold and Buckfast and even to drink remnants of Tennants cans with fagbutts floating in them.