Abortion has just been legalised in Ireland.

Maura and John are two twenty something year old students living in sin in Cork City. Maura writes erotic literature in her spare time. Sales have risen by 85% in what has become a hyper-sexualised Ireland since the referendum. John, meanwhile, has unfortunately lost his part-time job as a baker due to the decline of Holy Communion being received at mass. They are discussing the recent legalisation of abortion and how it has changed their lives.

Maura: ‘A new abortion factory has been opened in the town John!’

John: ‘Jesus, another one, what’s unemployment at now?’

Maura: ‘I think its 4%. It’s fantastic isn’t it pet? To think I used to have to take that pesky pill every single day.’

John: ‘Shur weren’t you always mixing them up with your yokes?’

Maura: ‘Jesus, I was. Oestrogen doesn’t exactly have the same kick you know. Anyway, how are you spending all that money you’re saving? You must be minted by now, what with us not having to go to Liverpool every month. Ugh that was some trek!’

John: ‘I still go over sure. I used to find it quite relaxing. Nice boat journey over, clear the head. Between Brexit and the loss of revenue from Irish abortions I hear the pound is weakening by the day. Anne Summers is practically giving things away. Since I became unemployed I was thinking of starting up a business. I don’t know what’s come over me but I think I might smuggle in guns, fair few bob to be made.’

Maura: ‘Jesus, John! That’s a bit extreme. I was reading the paper just there. Are you sure that’s not just the ‘Moral decline of Christian values from opening the floodgates?

John: ‘Errah, I dunno Maura. Sure I was always a bit of a prick, you said it yourself.’

Maura: ‘I suppose so. Anyway, Simon and Mike are after cancelling on us again. They seem a bit moody lately. Have you noticed?’

John: ‘They’re just disappointed the spotlights off them by now. Sure they always loved that. I’d say they’re just disappointed they can’t have an abortion. I think they’re saying it’s inequality.’

Maura: ‘They’re still happily married are they?’

John: ‘Two years down now. I think they have plans to adopt.’

Maura: ‘That’s nice. Do you ever think we should settle down ourselves darling? Maybe consider starting a family of our own?’

John: ‘I’m not sure Maura. It’s not an easy decision to make. Maybe we should have a good discussion about it and make sure we’re ready before we decide.’

Maura: ‘I’d say you’re right love. And anyway, if we do decide and still have a change of heart sure can’t we always just get an…

*Disclaimer: These events are surprisingly not true. In fact, they are utter lunacy. However, so too is much of what’s being said.