Five perfectly acceptable excuses for skipping lectures.

Some days you just can’t. Can’t college, won’t college, not colleging today. Whatever way you want to put it, it happens. Whether you were out the night before, spent the night rushing an assignment or just couldn’t stop watching Stranger Things. It’s OK. It happens. In fact, there are a million perfectly good reasons as to why the age old question ‘to college or not to college’ results in the negative. Leave the old ‘Family Emergency’ excuse at the door, these perfectly acceptable reasons to miss lectures are universally recognized by lecturers as solid rationale.

You just love Bic

It’s taken you from the L.C to college (and hopefully not back) but your beloved Bic biro has officially croaked. If you’re used to the smooth inkiness of Bic, the thoughts of writing so much as the date with some other Euro shop knock-off, or worse – Staedtler, literally gives you shivers. Apologies Sir/ Madame, until I purchase a new Bic I will not be returning to lectures. So legit.

Appointment with Dr. Phil

Usually, the individual with whom you have an appointment is not relevant, but in this case it is. Highly relevant. As all lecturers learn in *ahem* Lecturer School, no matter how enlightening they seem, Dr. Phil trumps them every time. Maybe you’re sleeping with your tutor, being stalked, compulsively stealing, or can’t stop flashing people – your solution is only a couch away. Dr. Phil has you sussed. Tomorrow’s another day.

Better never than late

You know what’s worse than missing a whole lecture? Missing the first five minutes of one. Everyone knows that the part of the lecture when the lecturer tells you the relevant page numbers of the book you’re never going to read and explains again the layout of the exam are the most vital minutes of college life. No matter how hard you listen or how much you write for the next 45, you may as well not bother because you will not have a single notion of what’s going on and will learn absolutely nothing. Don’t waste your time.

Egg trauma

This excuse is valid for all of life’s demands. Overdone eggs are just a bad omen and until you get them right, there’s no saving the day. You can be as savvy as you want – boil the kettle as you shower, pop in the eggs as you dress but the moment the yolk hardens, you may as well go back to bed and repeat the process entirely because you are not going anywhere, honey. It’s that universal that simply a blank email with the subject line ‘Overdone Eggs’ is completely sufficient.

Shift city

This one needs no explanation. You shifted someone last night, last week, last month, last year. That someone is in your course. Whether it was a good idea or not, you are not prepared to face that music unless you are looking like Titanic Leo or Tomb Raider Angelina. That day is not today unfortunately, so rest in the knowledge that you are well within your rights to give this one a miss. Heck, take the rest of the week off. You deserve it.