It’s no secret that students like nightclubs. It is simply an undeniable fact of life, like the existence of gravity or the asexuality of Margret Thatcher. But students beware: Nightclubs can be sinister places, fraught with mystery, difficulties and sticky floors.
One of the biggest dangers of being “in da club” is undoubtedly the omnipresence of the dreaded nightclub photographer. A person whose job is ostensibly innocuous enough: To capture all the patrons of the nightclub enjoying a jolly good night out in whatever establishment they are working for this week.
However, behind this seemingly benign job description lurks a darker purpose. It is a truth universally acknowledged that the only reason a nightclub photographer exists at all, is to capture drunken revellers in their most intoxicated and humiliating moments.
But fear not! This article has been specially designed to combat the ominous intentions of the nightclub photographer and leave you looking fresh faced, photogenic and fabulous in any club night compilation photo album in which you may feature.
To get the ball rolling I suggest you navigate over to the “Embarrassing Nightclub photos of the week” Facebook page. Take a long, hard look. Have a good, long laugh. Now remind yourself: “There but for the grace of God go I.”
This Facebook page is the ultimate cautionary tale. Next time you think it a good idea to wear a sheer white dress with red underwear or to drunkenly draw whiskers and a cat nose on your face with eyeliner (we’ve all been there), stop and think of Embarrassing Nightclub photos on Facebook. You’re welcome.
My next piece of advice would be to avoid clichéd poses. These include, but are certainly not limited to:
The tongue-out-winky-face pose, à la Miley Cyrus
The peace-sign-massive-smile pose, à la Japanese girls on street fashion blogs
The pouty-lip-duckface pose à la middle class white girls on the internet in general
The hand on the hip, turned to the side, head tilted back pose, popular with teenage girls the world over
The next tip is simple, but seems to be surprisingly hard for a large number of people to get right. Make sure neither of the following is on show:
Chest (equally important for girls and guys)
Once you have followed all of the above tips, remember it is also important to act natural and not like you are too cool to care/notice that you’re being photographed. The picture itself is evidence that this is not the case, so you’ll just look like a fool, and a moody one at that.
So now you should be well equipped to beat the odds and actually look like a normal person next time you show up on the Dicey’s or Workman’s Facebook page. However, if you’re still unsure, and really want to avoid looking like an idiot on the internet, the next time a photographer asks to take your picture, remember kids, just say no.