Don't want to follow the news? Bluff it.

Here are five things you should pretend to know about today.

Anglo tapes rage

Taoiseach Enda Kenny said he can understand the anger and rage provoked by the leaked secret tapes from inside Anglo Irish Bank in the days leading up to the bank bailout. Tape recordings published by The Irish Independent reveal how the banks’ top executives lied to the Government about the true extent of losses at Anglo.“Believe you me,” Enda said, “I understand the rage and the anger of so many people who have been affected by all of this.” If you’ve been pretending to know about the bank bailout and find yourself generally apathetic about the whole situation, now is a good time to read up on the latest scandal.

Farmers on Kildare Street

There was more bullshit than usual on Kildare Street today – members of the Irish Farmers’ Association (IFA) brought some of their livestock to the Department of Agriculture (around the corner from Leinster House) as part of a demonstration on Common Agricultural Policy reform as Simon Coveney chairs a meeting of EU agriculture ministers in Luxembourg today.

Sexy Shatter

Finally, Alan Shatter’s racy 1989 novel Laura has been republished. The book hit the headlines after a complaint was made to the censorship board. You can read the Leinster House sex scene here (yes, you heard correctly).

STI increase

What’s that itch? A recent study reveals that STIs are on the rise in Ireland. A report published by the Well Woman Centre showed a huge increase in figures for positive tests for genital herpes and chlamydia. The Well Woman Centre is urging the Government to roll out their sexual health scheme more quickly. Sorry to sound like a Ma, but if you have any sexual health concerns, contact your GP.

Facebook exposes users

Facebook has apologised after a technical problem left the personal details of about 6 million users exposed, leaving them open to spam. The problem occurred in a system which is used to help Facebook users identify which of their friends is using the social network already and which are not. So that explains why we’ve been getting messages from “young beautiful girl with full of love and care also romantic looking to click together”…