Don't want to follow the news? Bluff it.

Here are five things you should pretend to know about this soggy Monday.

Señor Gato, TD

Morris, a black and white kitten with orange eyes, is running for mayor of Xalapa in eastern Mexico. The feline promises to eat, sleep most of the day and donate his leftover litter to fill potholes. The furry candidate is attracting tens of thousands of supporters on social media and according to the 10-month-old cat’s owner “He sleeps almost all day and does nothing”. All Morris needs now is to memorise a few bad jokes, get a dodgy haircut, learn to tie a tie in the style of string on a bale of hay and he would be fit for the Dáil.

Dubya

A private jet carrying former US president George W Bush was forced to make an emergency landing after a smell of smoke was detected in the cockpit. Checks on the ground revealed no fire and the aircraft carried on safely to Texas. Staff on board may have confused the smell of fire with the smell of hot air – Dubya was returning from a golfing event after all.

G8

The G8 summit will take place this afternoon in Co Fermanagh with Syria and the clampdown on tax evasion to feature on the agenda. The leaders of the United States, Russia, Japan, Britain, Germany, France, Italy and Canada will attend the event. Taoiseach Enda Kenny will be at the Lough Erne summit centre this afternoon milking the last of Ireland’s six-month presidency of the EU. High on Enda’s agenda will most likely be a few smiley photos with Angela Merkel, a jovial pint with Barack Obama and getting a free meal.

Obamas in town

While Barack is up North, First Lady Michelle Obama and daughters Malia and Sasha are in the Republic today and tomorrow. The Obama women will visit Trinity College and will be treated to a performance of Riverdance in the Gaeity Theatre. Michael D, his wife Sabina and the Taoiseach’s wife Fionnuala will also attend the show. Tomorrow, the Obamas will visit the Wicklow Mountains National Park and meet staff at the US embassy in Dublin. Expect major traffic delays – on account of a reprise of Riverdance, of course. Nothing to do with the Obamas.

UK tapping at G20

The British government tapped the phone calls and hacked the emails of foreign diplomats visiting London in 2009 for two G20 summits. Reports by The Guardian newspaper say that the UK’s electronic surveillance agency GCHQ set up fake internet cafes at the meetings. Computers in the cafes had key-logging software installed so British authorities could monitor communications to and from visiting foreign delegations. The report also says the visitors’ BlackBerrys were hacked so communications could be intercepted. God only knows what the British analysts discovered if they cast their eyes on what Silvio Berlusconi was up to online.