digesting the news so you don’t have to. Here are five things you should pretend to know about this evening.

WAGs and TDs

The chairman of the Public Accounts Committee (PAC), Fianna Fáil TD John McGuinness, has said that a case could be made for ministers to be accompanied by their spouses on a foreign trip and that the State should pay for these in some circumstances. If you find yourself talking about this story, the appropriate reaction is to be mortified at the thoughts of the Irish taxpayer footing the bill for a TD’s dirty weekend.                                      

Happy one

From ‘Special One’ to ‘Happy One’, José Mourinho was officially unveiled as Chelsea’s manager for the second time today. “If I have to choose a nickname for this period,” Mourinho told some 250 reporters at Stamford Bridge today, “I would choose ‘The Happy One’. I am very happy.” He added: “Time flies. It looks like it was a couple of days but it was nine years ago when I first became manager.” To put that into context, it seems like nine years ago that it was bucketing rain but in fact it was a couple of days ago.

Bring your willies

Labour TD Eamonn Moloney’s PR team accidentally issued a leaflet inviting locals to “bring your willies” to the official opening of a community garden last weekend. A spokesperson told it was “most definitely a typo”.


Data Protection Commissioner Billy Hawkes has said that he is “not surprised” to hear that the CIA has been accessing information from US companies based in Ireland. Hawkes said that “in the rather murky world of intelligence”, it is no surprise that “there is significant power to access information for intelligence purposes”. If I were you, I’d tweet about that one.

Lucky Luca

And finally, you really should pretend to know about Luca, the luckiest dog in Ireland. Luca was out walking with his owners yesterday along a cliff path in Howth Head when he fell 200 feet. The RNLI made their way to the distressed dog after receiving a call at around 4.30pm. After a 30-minute rescue, Luca was saved and reunited with his owners. The dog was “frightened and shivering” but “without harm”, according to Howth RNLI Helm Dave Howard.