Feck off Eileen Dunne – it’s too warm for that craic.

Here are five things you should pretend to know – weekend edition. This’ll give you something to gossip about down the back of Mass.

Savage warm

‘tis savage warm down in Carlow. Temperatures peaked at 28.4 degrees yesterday, making the town Ireland’s hotspot. Meanwhile, lads walking around topless have been told to cover up by a supermarket in North County Dublin. No such warning for the women though.

Get up out of that

Enda Kenny has suggested that the long-term unemployed should “get off the couch” and get a job.  “We can’t have a situation where there is a perception, an understanding or an acceptance that everything is for nothing in this world,” the Taoiseach said as he prepared to sit on the couch for the next eight weeks for his Dáilidays.

Rabbitte heckling

Minister for Communications Pat Rabbitte got an earful from anti-austerity protesters last night as he sat outside a bar in Dublin. The guards had to be called when the demonstrators began to heckle and shout at the minister. Nobody was communicating very well with poor Pat at all though. Sure he couldn’t hear a thing, see.

Tiny coins

Wexford town is to get rid of one and two cent coins to see if consumers accept getting rid of small change. The Central Bank chose Wexford as the guinea pig town to see if the tiny coins should be removed nationwide. Prices will be rounded off to the nearest five cent to the final shopping bill so customers may become hostile to rise in prices. The Central Bank is also expecting further hostility to the measures since the people of Ireland will have one less thing to complain about.

Brendan O’Connor’s nose

Brendan O’Connor has admitted to snorting a bit of cocaine back in his student days. He said that the drug never really did it for him. No wonder his face is always so scrunched up so.