Don’t want to follow the news? Bluff it.

Here are five things you should pretend to know – weekend edition.

Ice cream tune extension

Ice cream van drivers in Britain can now ring-out their chimes for 12 seconds at a time, as opposed to the current four. The British department of environment, food and rural affairs revealed the new rules despite opposition from the Noise Abatement Society. The move by the government is the first change to the “Code of Practice on Noise from Ice-Cream Van Chimes” since 1982. The downside to all this? The new rules won’t kick in till the autumn. D’oh!

Big eejit

#Lapgate TD Tom Barry has said he is “mortified” for pulling his colleague Áine Collins onto to his lap during a break in the Dáil debate on abortion at 3am yesterday morning. Tom also admitted that he had been drinking before the incident, but insisted he wasn’t drunk. “I went to the Dáil bar, but I wasn’t drinking excessively,” he said. “There was nothing pre-meditated, it was stupid, it was disrespectful.”  The TD added that he was “sick to his stomach” for embarrassing his party colleague, his wife, his family and FG. The 44-year-old revealed that his wife called him a “big eejit”.

Typewяiter

The Russian Federal Protective Service (FSO) – the modern-day KGB – is reportedly looking to use typewriters following further disclosures of NSA surveillance by whistleblower Edward Snowden. The agency has placed an order for 20 typewriters, but has made no comment on the matter. The FSO, as it is known by its Russian acronym, has reportedly used typewriters to print drafts of official documents and reports to Vladimir Putin. That’s so Яetro.

Too many selfies

A 14-year-old managed to rack up a £3,800 (€4,400) mobile phone bill while holidaying in New York, purely by using Facebook. Casey Snook sent updates to her friends as she explored the city, but was unaware her photo posts were running up massive data roaming charges. Phone company Orange says it sent a text to Casey warning her that she had exceeded her date limit and her bill had gone from £500-a-month to £320. Orange barred the girl from sending any more texts and making phone calls, but did not block her data roaming. The company claims Casey clicked a ‘yes’ button when asked if she wanted to keep the data facility activated. The girl and her family deny the claims. However, they will pay the bill.

Inventor of Twister dies

And finally, Charles “Chuck” Foley, the inventor of Twister, has died aged 82. The father of nine came up with the game with collaborator Neil Rabens in the mid-1960s. It was originally called Pretzel, but Milton Bradley bought the idea and renamed it Twister. Foley – known affectionately as “Chuck” – did not make very money from the game, but according to his family, that didn’t bother him. Hasbro, the company that now sells the game, said in a statement: “What makes the Twister game timeless is the fact that it’s always been about showing off your free spirit and just having some laugh-out-loud, out-of-your-seat fun.”