Don’t want to follow the news? Bluff it.

Here are five things you should know this weekend.

Merkel trouble

Angela Merkel has said she regards the infamous Anglo tapes – you know, the ones with the feckers laughing and singing the old Nazi version of the German national anthem – with “contempt”. She said that the recordings are “a real damage” to democracy, social market economy and “everything we work for”. Merkel’s statements roughly translate into Hiberno-English as: “So much for yer arselickin’.”

That money was just resting in my account

A priest has been arrested on suspicion of fraud and corruption in connection with a suspected international fraud scheme at the Vatican bank. Fr Nunzio Scarano from Salerno was arrested with a former member of the Italian secret services and financier for plotting to allegedly illegally move €20 million from Switzerland to Italy. Italian newspaper La Repubblica said: “They call him Monsignor 500…because of the great number of €500 at his disposition.”

Doherty

Pete Doherty plans to sell cigarette ends he claims belonged to Kate Moss and Amy Winehouse on a market stall. The Babyshambles frontman told NME magazine that he plans to cash in on what he describes as “rock and roll memorabilia” by opening a stall at Camden Market in London. “I’ve got fag butts that belong to Bobby Gillespie, Kate Moss and Amy Winehouse…all kinds of sh*t, basically.” That kind of sh*t would give the women on Moore Street a run for their money.

Titillating Tubs

A complaint made against Ryan Tubridy’s radio show on 2FM in which he discussed the use of sex toys has been resolved. Broadcasting watchdog BAI received a complaint from a man who had heard the item broadcast through a supermarket’s radio system. Some of the phrases that shocked the man included “big gigantic thing to penetrate”, “male masturbating toy” and “how long to bang out an orgasm”. The BAI found the item to be factual and the intention was to inform and not to offend, so there was no need for a further investigation. With the usual drab on the Late Late Show, can you not blame Tubs for trying to liven up his radio show?

CAMPus.ie

And finally, the 2013 Dublin Pride celebration draws to a close this weekend and the annual Pride festival takes place this Saturday. This year’s festival represents three historic milestones for the LGBT community in Ireland: it coincides with the 40th anniversary of the founding of the Irish Gay movement, the 30th anniversary of the Dublin Pride Parade and the 20th anniversary of the decriminalisation of homosexuality in Ireland.