Too hot to follow the news? Bluff it.

Here are five things you should pretend to know about this scorching Wednesday.

Young voters

Chung wans may be allowed to vote. The Government is planning on holding a referendum to lower the voting age from 18 to 16. If accepted, 16 and 17-year-olds will be allowed to vote in the next general election (2015).

Couldn’t give a shite

A new survey by GfK market research group suggests that Germans are Europe’s biggest worriers, and the Irish (and Swedes) are the most carefree. The 12-country survey shows that Europeans are worried more about unemployment than any other social or economic problem. It looks like we’re heeding our own advice: sure, it’ll be grand.

We’re melting

Ireland is actually melting because it’s so hot. AA Roadwatch has received a number of reports of tar melting on roads due to the extreme heat. Met Éireann also expects to issue an Orange Alert warning for the first time ever, with temperatures expected to reach almost 30 degrees.

Jessie Jaysus

Jessie J has cancelled her performance as support to Justin Timberlake in Phoenix Park tonight due to illness. The singer sounded very hoarse when she spoke on Today FM yesterday and complained via Twitter that her voice had “decided to be friends with the air con…and dry out to Marge Simpson vibes!”

Get Linda

And finally, to celebrate Linda Martin’s summer hit, Durex is reportedly distributing ‘Get Lucky’ condoms in time for the festival season. Wait, did I say Linda Martin? I meant the Dublin taxi driver.