Please Eileen Dunne, not now.

Here are five things you should pretend to know about this Monday.

Bruce home

Ah, we knew it. Bruce Springsteen has said Ireland has been his “adopted home” for the past 28 years. The Boss finished up his five-concert world tour of Ireland last night with a mighty gig in Kilkenny. There was so much interest in the gig that the Cats’ All-Ireland quarter final in Thurles was brought forward two hours. By the boys must have been in such a rush to get come that they purposely let Cork beat them by five points (surely to God).

Jewellery thief

One of the biggest jewellery thefts in French history took place in the Carlton Hotel in Cannes over the weekend. An estimated €40m worth of diamonds were stolen by a lone gunman. Off to the pawn shop he goes.

Hot weather hits hot-headed Mick

Misery-guts Michael O’Leary is hoping for an end to the lingering summer heatwave as the good weather hit Ryanair’s profits. But Mick says that the airline’s performance in the second quarter is still expected to improve.

Marriages of convenience

The Registrar General John Feely says he is concerned about the number of “marriages of convenience” that take place in Ireland. It is estimated that 600 to 700 sham marriages take place every year. The purpose for these marriages of convenience is securing residency rights – as opposed to curing pregnancy like in the good aul days.

SUSI

And finally, SUSI’s in the news again – good news this time (fingers crossed). A number of improvements have been made to the grants application system this year.