Don’t know what is going on around the nation? Then bluff the news

Here’s some sh*t you should know this weekend.

Dáil bar

Serious takings in the Dáil bar: almost €7k was spent in the two bars at Leinster House on the day and night of the abortion date and #lapgate. The money was spent on pints, wine – and scones. Nothing like a serious aul debate and a bit of inappropriate behaviour when you’re on the tear – and tearing into a scone.

Dodgy burgers

Never mind them dodgy festival burgers it’s your local kebab shop you should be cautious of. The Food Safety Authority of Ireland (FSAI) has made 15 closure orders and two prohibition orders against food businesses in August. Read the list of scummy outlets here.

Happy couple

Ah, true love. A man in Brazil is to marry his pet goat. 74-year-old Aparecido Castaldo has decided to wed his beloved Carmelita next month. They’ve been in love for two years now. “She doesn’t speak and doesn’t want money,” the former stonecutter says, making her his ideal lover. But it’s not as if aul Aparecido has been lacking any womanly love – he’s been married four times (to humans) and has 18 “kids”.

Lucky pr*ck

A hedgehog in the UK was lucky to get out a prickly situation with a badminton net. The little crater got caught in what is believed to have been a children’s badminton net, but managed to escape with the help of the RSPCA. “Had we not been called, he would not have survived,” an overly dramatic animal safety officer said.

Nightmare

The things you’d do for a job. Some poor graduate in England was left feeling “humiliated” after he was forced to perform a dance during a job interview at Curry’s. Alan Bacon said he was made dance “like [in] a scene out of The Office” to a Daft Punk song. “I just felt so embarrassed and uncomfortable,” he said. “I ended up dancing to Around the World by Daft Punk, doing rubbish robotics in my suit in front of a group of strangers.” Curry’s has since apologised and insists that the dance routine was not part of any official recruitment process – which is a shame because it sounds gas.

Billing Streak

And finally, Winning Streak presenter Marty Whelan has said that winners on the show are increasingly using their prize money to pay off bills and keep their homes. “In this climate,” Marty said, “it’s making a difference to people’s lives…As opposed to people saying ‘I’m going to the Caribbean’, suddenly they’re buying furniture.” What is the world coming to when you can’t go on d’telly, spin the big wheel and blow tens of thousands of euro on the ingrates you call “family”?

And on that note, have a great weekend!