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Here’s some sh*t you should know this fierce mild Thursday.

Let’s talk about celibacy

Secretary of State for the Vatican Pietro Patolin has said that the issue of celibacy in the Catholic priesthood is up for discussion. He said that celibacy is “not a dogma of the Church and can be discussed because it is a church tradition”. With the dwindling number of men entering the priesthood, they may as well discuss it. Come on, we all know if priests were allowed shag there’d be lads dying to get in there: free wine, bread and housekeeping; Mass once a week; couple of prayers for the blessed departed. Handy number.

Nice try

Next time you see a pregnant woman beware that she may be carrying drugs. (Good God, before you frisk her: we’re joking). The reason we say is because Colombian police have reportedly arrested a Toronto woman who simulated pregnancy to try to smuggle cocaine. Police discovered a false stomach made of latex that contained 2 kilograms of cocaine. Congratulations, it’s blow!

Mirror hacking

The publisher of the Sunday Mirror is being investigated by Scotland Yard for alleged phone hacking by former employees. This hack craic again…

After Eight creator dies

The creator of After Eight, Yorkie, Drifter and the Lion bar, Brian Sollit, has died aged 74 – just six weeks after he retired from a 50-year career Rowntree’s. The people of Ireland are indebted to Brian – post-Christmas dinner treats will never be the same without him.

Reformed bike thief

And finally, a reformed bike thief returned a stolen bicycle along with a note of apology. (This is the second time something like this has happened). 55-year-old nurse Eileen Remedios left a note pleading for her beloved bicycle to be returned, and the thief fulfilled her wish. If only such things would happen around HQ…