Ciara tells us all about her love for the festival-proof, nightclub-friendly un-smart phone

When I got a smartphone I knew that I had finally made it. Now I too could post pictures of my greasy fry and tag myself drinking Dutch Gold at my friend’s house and finally show everyone that I too were living the high life of stars such as Paris Hilton and P.Diddy.

As I sauntered around the corridors of the Art’s building I smirked at those amateurs on their laptops having to sit down or foolishly stand still to check their emails or Facebook feed. I had all the technology I needed right in my pocket.

‘The world is my oyster’ I thought to myself. Or I didn’t really think it but read it on an inspirational quotes app I had downloaded and that is practically the same thing.

However, the feeling of supreme power I felt when I held my smartphone was a long time coming. For three years previous I was an owner of an ever-changing array of the cheapest phones in The Carphone Warehouse. I habitually lost my phones in the usual Thursday night drunken stupor.

Usually I woke up to the sounds of my roommate returning from a full day’s classes at 2pm wondering why my alarm did not go off. It did go off, but on the floor of a dingy nightclub. I suspect that if a phone could portray feeling, it would have had the demeanor of a sad lost puppy that had been abandoned. I wasn’t even aware of the hour of the day because for our generation’s notion of time is controlled by that thing we use to talk on.

Now we just look at it, and tap it, and bemoan our hard life when it doesn't reach space for a signal fast enough.

At a time when Ireland was suffering from the recession apocalypse, I feel I can safely claim that I single handedly held up the Irish economy through my consistent phone replenishment.

Yet, when I lost my first smartphone I knew something had to give. I wasn’t prepared to stop the Jagerbombs, or the trying to text on a packed dance floor as I clearly looked very cool doing it, but I also didn’t want to lose the most important companion in my life. My smartphone. That is when one of the greatest student inventions was introduced to me. The drink phone.

Like all great inventions it took something already existing, cheap phones, and applied it to a situation the student population needed to rectify - replacing your expensive phone with your cheap phone when you are going out drinking and practically expect yourself to lose it.

No more messing around with insurance claims or begging the parents to replace your phone as you literally lost your social life due to the lack of texting and constant Facebook checks. If the phone was lost, a replacement SIM could be easily retrieved and mostly for free. Don’t expect them to understand though.

A friend once claimed her sixteenth free SIM from a provider only to be met by a disbelieving sales advisor. Clearly his student days are long gone if he can’t sympathise with the consistent loss of one’s phone. Don’t judge lest ye be judged. He was probably the child in school who always had his homework done and reminded the teacher to correct it.

So next time you wake up past noon and realise you’ve lost your precious, don’t say I didn’t warn you. Take action before it’s too late and purchase a drink phone. If you are going to lose one thing on a night out, just leave it at your dignity.