“Who uses doorbells these days? Ring my phone, you caveman!”

This is probably one of the only reasons why I find Twitter slightly appealing. Now maybe I’m not giving it its due, but for me anyway Twitter is nothing more than a casual passer of time. Others may say - ‘but twitter is great’ and ‘oh, but I love Twitter’, but you can’t really love Twitter now can you? Okay it’s probably fun for people to follow their favourite celebs without the risk of a restraining order and in some cases I suppose it may even be informative. However, most of the time it is just a big hole which people shout stuff into and rarely do they get a reply.

Anyway, the doorbell tweet caught my attention. It proves that, once you wade through the mundane and pictures upon pictures of breakfasts, lunches, dinners and cats that look like dictators, you can end up finding something useful on Twitter. This time I had stumbled across a bizarre insight into an everyday person’s everyday life and their rejection of a once great utility of society, the doorbell.

At first I was amused by the thought of the doorbell being left for dust by modern technology. I had an image of the poor doorbell being replaced by a range of Apple nano technology doorbells, ones controlled by your mind and that come with 200GB of storage and in a range of stylish colours. Then I really thought about it and amusement turned to shock because that is pretty much what has happened. I haven’t used a doorbell in years and it’s largely due to the highly developed and highly expensive piece of glass and aluminium that I carry around. The doorbell is pretty much defunct in modern society. It’s become a thing that we don’t really need anymore, like the cassette tape, like the filofax and films starring Eddie Murphy.

It used to be the case that doorbells were the key to your social life. You’d get home from school, throw your homework in the bin and ring every doorbell on the street. You’d call into all your friends; get your mates out for a game of football and maybe a stroll down to the local shop for a few Wham bars. If Wham bars weren't your thing then replace that snippet of nostalgia with a flump, a Desperate Dan, jelly cola bottles or cigarettes or something. What I’m trying to explain is that doorbells were useful back then, before you had other means of communication, before you had a Smartphone.

Right now, I don’t need to use doorbells and I’m sure many other people are in a similar situation. If I’m going around to somebody's house I’ll call ahead, and about 40 seconds before I hit the doorstep I’ll send a freetext, a whatsapp or even call them to let them know I've arrived. Doorbells are just too invasive these days. God knows who is going to answer when you ring one and god help you if you have to make small talk before you’re friend reaches the door. It’s just unnecessary to put yourself through the awkwardness of talking about the weather with people who you know don’t care and have little to no experience in meteorology.

The only time you should hear your doorbell is when somebody you don’t want to talk to rings it. Everybody else calls ahead and if they don't then you probably shouldn't associate with them anyway. It's just basic manners. Effectively the doorbell is now a warning bell; when it rings you better run the other way because you probably haven't paid your TV licence. Either that or it's a charity worker, a pet insurance salesman, the police or your mother in law and let’s be honest nobody wants to have them conversations.

I’d say that you’re better off getting rid of your doorbell because they’re pretty much useless and are a waste of electricity. Actually, I’d almost go as far as to say that doorbells are bad for the environment. I’m going to rip my doorbell off the wall right now and start my life of virtual, uninterrupted and environmentally friendly bliss. I will however spare a thought for the door to door salesman whose life will almost certainly be ruined by this realisation.