As panto season comes to an end, someone needed to fill the shoes of those ridiculous, over the top characters. Chelsea seem to be suited for doing just that. If I were to write a script of how a football team could piss off so many people and have this many on-field and off-field problems I couldn’t come up with the continuous reign of hilarity that Chelsea seem to court. Their most recent exploits into the pages of history is the tale of a young Eden Hazard who rather than waiting for a ball or looking for a different ball, decided to kick a minor. The FA have branded his actions as “unacceptable”, I’ll go further by saying that what he did was absolutely moronic. Yes the ball boy was trying to waste time, yes he tweeted that he intended to delay the game, yes he seems like a very annoying little brat, but don’t kick him!!
What is it about Chelsea that makes them so easy to hate. No other club suffers through this many incidents. When it was just John Terry they had a relative level of damage control. Just don’t let him speak to the media and don’t let him hang around with any other player’s wife or girlfriend. I’d say Chelsea are longing for the days when all they had to deal with was Terry’s extra marital shenanigans. The time before any racism scandal, sacking the manager who won the champions league, assault on a minor etc.
The title of this article is a tad extreme, of course they aren’t the source of all evil, just most of it. The old saying goes that money is the source of all evil but Chelsea and money are synonymous in more ways than one. I’ve always said that since Chelsea got money, they have set about ruining players. Wright-Philips, Duff, Malouda, Torres, and Crespo all went to Chelsea for big money. Brilliant players put on a leash by Chelsea and it slowly ruined them. Is that not the worst thing of all?
Just once could Chelsea do something to get the media off their back? I don’t know something along the lines of giving one of the greatest players in their history a new contract maybe? No? It makes sense for all concerned buy hey, you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.
A well-known scholar, philosopher and authority on all kinds of everything, Joey Barton chimed into the debate by saying “Hazard’s only crime is he hasn’t kicked him hard enough”. That’s right Joey; you should definitely speak about matters regarding losing your temper. That’s like Chelsea complaining about time wasting………well this is awkward. Does no one at that club have any self-awareness?? This is a club that had Didier Drogba played for eight years. His great performances aside, he tended to fall over a lot, for extended periods of time. Wayne Rooney famously tweeted “Drogba, you’re a great player but please get up”. They have no business complaining about time wasting.
If Chelsea are to lose their reputation as this comic book super villain, they need to change. Abramovich needs to work out the manager needs to be allowed to “manage” the team. If it was announced tomorrow that he had appointed himself manager with John Terry as his assistant, I would not be surprised. His dictatorial view of the club is a source of so many of their off field problems. On the field two very simple steps need to be taken, remove the captain’s armband from John Terry, and the second part is much simpler, stop kicking children. I know right, as ideas go, its way out there.
For me, I don’t want Chelsea to change. They are the team everyone loves to hate. The phrase “I’m an ABU” (Anyone but United) doesn’t really hold the same weight anymore. No matter what United do, they can’t compete with Chelsea. Imagine being in the PR department of Chelsea. Those shows that look at the world’s worst jobs have clearly never seen a new PR rep at Chelsea watching the news. What exactly do you say? The club doesn’t condone the kicking of minors? How ludicrous a situation is that? Fighting a losing battle doesn’t begin to cover it. Chelsea are a necessary evil, like comic book villains and politicians, of course you don’t like them, but what would it be like without them? Considerably less amusing!