Satire

The dreaded christmas family gathering

Herein begins the onslaught of family gatherings associated with the Christmas period. Doting aunts, socially awkward uncles, sour cousins and annoying children are just a few of the side effects.  
 
There is no end to the relentless questioning. Can you drive yet? Did you get a job? How’s the love life? What are you going to be after college?

Ahem, first off, ask if I have a boyfriend/girlfriend first before asking how they are. If I could drive, I would be hot footing it out the door and burning rubber as we speak. Oh and asking anyone if they have a job slap bang in the middle of a recession, not to mention a busy college year, is just downright nosy. Would you ask someone in the famine how the potatoes are going? I didn’t think so. 

 
These are just a few of the digs us young college students must face upon returning home at Christmas. As it is the season of good will, we are not permitted to ‘talk back’ or speak frankly with these overly intrusive people.  
 
Then there comes the children, sometimes amusing, other times loud and obstructive. Some of the questions I have been asked by my nieces have induced shock that I do not own a T.V, that I have to live at school and I have to walk everywhere (I’m from the countryside).

Then there comes the babysitting because sure “what else have you to do?” I do actually have a social life. Let us not forget people screaming for the channel to change because, “that film is stupid”. Bring me back to sitting peacefully in a corner of the library where no children are permitted, please. 

 
Not forgetting the parents: so have you decided what you want to do yet? You have put on weight, you have lost weight, you look tired, are you sick, are you hung over? Are you getting enough sleep? Are you eating properly- pizza is junk food you know. 
 
There is also the slippery question of “have you been going to mass?” I can feel my halo slipping and my devil horns rising. Please excuse me while I pop outside for a moment of fresh air. 
 
Can you imagine, for a moment, going home to your family and commenting on their weight or appearance? Criticizing their life choices, inquiring about their relationship status?

If I am getting fat it is not necessarily because of drinking beer or pizza. Maybe, just maybe, I have been so stressed and working like an automobile that neither a garden salad nor a vegetable stir fry will satisfy me. 

 
Why don’t you try fasting from ten to seven on a packed lunch, while Walkers’ crisps and Cadburys’ chocolate wink at you from the vending machine hmm Uncle Matt?

I’m going to my room to eat a selection box, please do not disturb me! 

Photo: midlman/ Flickr