Everyone hates January, it is statistically the most depressing month out of all twelve – a Monday that never seems to end.
December has Christmas. March brings the biggest acceptable session of the year and Shamrock Shakes. June brings a host of festivals and the opportunity for an impromptu excursion to Courtown (a scenic seaside town in Co. Wexford – highly recommend). What has January got to offer us? Blue Monday. Luminous lycra. Drinking bans. Bad telly. January and December are two months with different names, and very different experiences.
However, a new year brings the pressure of becoming a better person. We force ourselves to become perfect in an imperfect world. We follow our Instagram influencers like a flock of sheep, chugging down green teas and popping slimming pills in the hope of magically becoming Kim K.
January is a dark month, both physically and psychologically. We pray for a “grand aul stretch in the evenings”, a good drying day or even just an extra electric blanket. When things start to get tough and the Francis Brennan re-runs begin to appear (did they ever really eave?) we throw out the selection boxes, burn the Bounties, and crush our cravings. We exile our singing Santas and artificial evergreens to the dark corner of the attic and remove good bottles of wine from the fridge to make way for Coconut Water and the other substances guaranteed to grant us an immediate six-pack. The “sure it’s Christmas” excuse vanishes to dust and after a card declination, an enlightening trip to the bank and a brief blackout we resign ourselves to an inexpensive diet of homemade salads, motivational mantras and workout vlogs.
After spending a solid Celtic Tiger fortune on the Yuletide Season, we yet again succumb to the madness and purchase a 3,000 years long gym membership and pretend to know what a gain is. We shake our heads to social occasions for the sake of saving money. A select few sinister third level institutions decide to have examinations after Christmas just to hammer the point home even more – January is a crap month. The struggle of studying after becoming emotionally involved with several Netflix Originals must be some sort of crime against humanity.
Do New Year’s resolutions make us better people? Will that midnight Galaxy Bar ruin your beach-body figure? Probably not. Would you drink coconut water if you had a choice? Absolutely not. We live in a world full of wars, Trump fans, fake news, bad news and body shaming. We are surrounded by negativity and conflict. If going to the gym at 6am puts a smile on your face, by all means continue. If you are missing that spoon of sugar in your morning coffee, just sneak it in. Life is too short. North Korea could release that nuclear bomb. An asteroid could hit the Emerald Isle at full force. The world supply of hot chicken rolls could hit an all-time low. If the worse came to the worse, I’d certainly be thankful that I made the ultimate New Year’s Resolution, “Do what makes you happy”.
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